I Hate Goodbyes

I leave for LaGuardia in an hour, but I somehow managed to finish packing early, so now I’m just sitting out on my balcony, waiting. 

I love this balcony. I’ve loved reading and eating and napping and writing on this balcony. I’ve loved watching sunsets and wondering at the activities of the neighbors in the apartment building across from mine and wishing on planes. I’ve loved dreaming and planning and working here. 

  
But in one hour, this balcony will no longer be mine. 

That’s what I hate about goodbyes. Less the leaving as much as the losing. 

Wandering Times Square after my last Broadway show last night, this place that had come to feel like mine suddenly–wasn’t. I felt like I was already walking through a memory. 

There was the movie theater where Mom and I saw “Inside Out” our first night here. There was John’s Pizza, whose carryout I literally lived off of the week leading up to Ch1Con. There was and there was and there was. 

  
The desire to go out and do something new and reckless was so strong it could have carried me off my feet. But it was late and I was tired and I still had more packing to do. 

It’s funny the things you become sentimental about when you realize you’ll never have to deal with them again: The tourists crowding the sidewalks making a eight block walk take eight times as long as it needed to, trying to get from Broadway and 50th to the Times Square – 42nd St subway station. The overcrowded 7 train followed by the too-loud Q60 bus that comprised my hour commute home. The weird banging from the air conditioning unit of the apartment above mine as I fell asleep. 

And I honestly don’t really know how to put into words how much this summer has meant to me and what leaving this place feels like. (The best I can do is that it’s like a sucking in my chest. Like New York and I bonded at some point while I’ve been here and now a plane’s going to rip us apart.) 

  
And I’m trying not to get TOO melodramatic about this all, but I also want to remember what this feels like, because I want to remember how much I love this city and how I need Future Julia to come back. 

And it kills me that the world isn’t going to stop when I leave. Other people will sit on my bench in Madison Square Park, and cool events will happen that I will be too far away to attend, and other people will get to stare at the Empire Stae Building day in and day out. And I won’t be here.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Ann Arbor. And I’m excited to go back. I just–also kind of don’t want to leave New York? 

It’s kind of a miracle, being able to be selfish about these sorts of things. 

But anyway, here I sit on my balcony. Watching the sun move across the sky. Wondering if the neighbors in the apartment building across from mine will notice when I’m gone. Wishing on planes that someday one will carry me back to here. 

  

Thirty minutes to go. 

~Julia

WDC Weekend: Friday Morning

… And so we find ourselves at the inaugural post of the Writer’s Digest Conference Weekend 2013. It is currently 7:42 AM. I’ve got my clothes for today hanging off the ladder for my loft bed behind me, my camera resting just beside my right hand as I type this, and a whole heck of a lot of luggage hanging out somewhere back in the recesses of my room.

Inside I am freaking. out. Outside I look like this:

Snapshot_20130405Please excuse the random lamp in my hand. Webcam is being finicky.

I wasn’t planning on getting up until 8:00, because that’s my usual time for Fridays, I was up past midnight not being able to sleep, and I wanted to get a good night’s rest in before leaving for the conference–but alas: I’m awake already. And although I am TIRED, I am not sleepy. Oops? I guess this gives me more time for all my last minute packing, though. Which is always good since I am the Eternal Forgetter of Everything. (Last WDC I forgot to pack my shoes. THAT was a fun realization when we got to New York.)

So, while I’m here, yawning and angsting at myself for being awake this early, here’s a quick overview of how the weekend’s going to work:

  • Sessions for the conference begin this evening. I’ll probably do a post about what’s up sometime tonight.
  • We have sessions all day tomorrow, culminating in the Pitch Slam (in which Mel and I get to have the funnest of funs by pitching our novels to Real Live Literary Agents for two hours straight while trying not to have simultaneous heart attacks). Then tomorrow night we get some free time to go explore the city (and by “explore the city” I mean “eat good food” and “watch a good musical” and “maybe shop a little because I am an obsessive shopper who shall be in New York City”), and yeah. I will definitely be blogging at least once throughout the day, probably more.
  • Sunday we have sessions in the morning, and then a little more time to go be tourists, and then it’s back to good ol’ U of M for me and good ol’ Other Cool Places for Mom and Mel. I’ll probably update you a couple times throughout the day, and be read for a WDC recap for the end of Sunday.

… And now, I’m off to attempt to stop my bangs from standing straight up like I’m in a cheesy cartoon. Talk to you soon!

Snapshot_20130405_1

 

~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Catch Me If You Can”)

It’s Leap Day!! Anyone doing anything special for it? (I’m going to try to finish writing my current WIP today. It’s too cool of a date to resist.)

Today’s Wordy Wednesday is some song lyrics I wrote a while back called “Catch Me If You Can” — you should know: I write a lot of stuff called “Catch Me If You Can.” It’s one of my favorite phrases and I’m constantly trying to do new stuff with it (also, I really enjoy Catch Me If You Can the musical).

This song is about someone who I lost recently.

 

**********

VERSE1 [Capo 3 – G, D, Am, C]

Someone turn off my mind

I can’t take this any more

The clock is ticking out my time

Until there’s no more

 

Someone tell me things change

Tell me they stay the same

Because I need some rest

In this unrest

 

CHORUS INTRO

Because I’m tired of living

And I’m tired of breathing

And I’m tired of running

And I’m tired of grieving

 

Why can’t the sun shine

Without the clouds?

Why can’t I rhyme

Without it so loud?

 

CHORUS

Because the ru-u-un

Is getting too hard for me

And I nee-ee-eed a vacation

Away from all this grief

 

And I’m running so hard,

And I’m running so far

And I’m running away

From who you are

 

How can things be?

This way, why can’t you

Catch me?

 

This wasn’t part of the plan,

But catch me if you can

 

VERSE2

Pull on my shoes,

Those old Converse

I got them freshman year

And now I’m running in reverse

 

Look over those picture frames

All those people,

Can you tell me their names?

 

CHORUS INTRO2

And now I’m breathing so hard

That I’m seeing stars

And I can’t see too far

Because the future is barred

 

Where will I be this time next year?

Have you heard?

 

[Repeat CHORUS]

 

BRIDGE [Capo 3 – Am, C, G, D]

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la

 

And I can’t look at

That card you gave me

Because it brings back

Too many memories

 

And it’s not the gone

That bothers me

It’s the never coming back

 

[Repeat CHORUS]

 

*********

 

~Julia

Writer’s Digest Conference Weekend: Sunday Morning

The next session is just beginning, so this is going to having to be short, but I just wanted to let you all know that the pitch slam went really well yesterday — I’ve got eight partial requests! 🙂 Plus, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying was really totally awesome last night… but more on all of that later! I’ll try to do another post tonight as a more detailed recap of the entire weekend, okay? And I promise to get my notes up from the sessions soon!!

 

~Julia