Wordy Wednesday: Muffins Don’t Fly (Guest Post)

I’m currently on vacation in Europe with la familia, so this week’s Wordy Wednesday is coming at’cha from super awesome guest writer Allison Rose!

Allison Rose has been writing seriously since the age of ten.  Since then, she has penned a handful of short stories; some longer, still unpublished works; and a variety of fanfictions. When she’s not writing stories, she’s reading them.

Aside from the time she cared for her grandmother’s cat, who loved cream cheese, dusty shelves, and scratching innocent people, Allison has owned no pets.  But she does have a blog, (as blogs are much easier to maintain,) which she invites you to check out at: http://www.allisonthewriter.wordpress.com.

And now, I have the honor of sharing Allison’s hilarious short story “Muffins Don’t Fly.” I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

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Muffins don’t fly, right? I mean, they’re food. You eat them. A muffin levitating itself through the air is just about as conceivable as, say, a secret society of hamsters plotting to take over the world! Well, considering that has actually happened, I guess it’s definitely conceivable for a muffin to fly, too.
Weird things always happen to me when my parents aren’t home. This time, it was the first week of summer vacation, and my mom, who works in the children’s room at our local library, was there at a meeting to decide on this year’s summer reading list. My dad was out, too. I think he was playing golf or something. I was, as you would expect, home alone with nothing remotely interesting to do.
In the kitchen, I rummaged through the pantry in search of something to snack on. All I found was a lunchbox-sized container of FruitLoops, and all the artificial flavors and colors didn’t look too appetizing.
Dejectedly, I was about to turn around and head back to the living room when I saw the answer to all my troubles. There, on the kitchen counter, as if it had been put there just for me, was a box of blueberry muffin mix!
According to the box, all I needed to do was add milk, three eggs and oil to the prepackaged muffin mix with freeze-dried blueberries, stir, and bake in a muffin tin. Now, that may sound easy, but like most things, it’s easier said than done. Nowhere in the instructions did it say that you should have more than three eggs on hand because, chances are, one of those three allotted eggs might break somewhere along the way from the egg carton to the mixing bowl. It also never said that the term of art, “cups,” refers to the liquid measurement, not your average drinking glass.
Approximately half an hour and five broken eggs later, I had the blueberry muffins sitting in the oven and was waiting for them to bake. But that would be too easy. While I’d set the timer for fifteen minutes, I hadn’t actually turned on the heat.
Eventually, the muffins actually finished baking, and when I took them out of the oven, the kitchen was filled with the scent of heavenly muffiny goodness.
I poured myself a big glass of cold milk and was about to reach for one of my delicious culinary creations, when—
“Hey, you!” a little voice said from somewhere below me.
Immediately, I looked down on the floor. Better not be one of those stupid hamsters trying to play tricks on me, I thought.
“Not there! Look up!”
Obediently, I looked up. Had the Hamster Liberation Society enlisted the services of talking pigeons?
“No, stupid! On the counter!”
Incredulously, I looked down and saw only my baking tin of blueberry muffins. And sure enough, all half dozen of them were looking up at me with big blueberry eyes.
“Egad!” I exclaimed. “You can talk?!”
“Yes,” they answered in unison. “Thank you for freeing us from our powdered state. Now, we can take over the world!” With that, the muffin in the lower right of the tin nodded ever so slightly (it’s pretty hard to nod if you’re a muffin,) at the muffin next to it, and slowly, ever so slowly…
…The muffn tin began to levitate.
“Faster, muffins, faster!” The lead muffin cackled. “We shall fly to the White House and overthrow the president! Then, the world shall be ours!”
Oh, no! I thought, nervously looking around the kitchen to see what I could do to stop these muffins from threatening my country, and the world. No, a fly swatter probably wouldn’t do the trick. If these muffins could fly, who knew what else they could do?
At that point, my survival instincts must’ve kicked in.  In utter desperation, I picked up the entire pan of hot, steaming muffins and hurled them out the kitchen window into the backyard. Mom would just have to be understanding when I told her why her prized muffin tin was sticking out of her equally prized bed of petunias.
While I’d done away with one problem, namely evil flying muffins bent on taking over the world, I was still hungry. So I went to the refrigerator for one last look.
“Hey!” I heard a little voice say from the depths of the refrigerator. “You could’ve just had one of me, a V8!”
I slammed the refrigerator door shut. That was it. I was ordering a pizza, and that’d better not fly, too.
(C) 2014 Allison Rose
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Thanks so much, Allison, for sharing your short story! Again, you can check out her blog at http://www.allisonthewriter.wordpress.com (which I highly recommend).
Thanks for reading!
~Julia

Wordy Wednesday: Interview with Kira Budge

I’m now in Europe (or, you know, will be at the time this post goes up)–which means this week’s Wordy Wednesday is our first of many wonderful interviews and guests posts for the summer!

Please welcome my fabulous critique partner and friend, Kira Budge!

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Kira Budge

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I’m a sophomore at BYU-Idaho studying English: Creative Writing and a novelist, primarily of YA fantasy. Additionally, I’m the Associate Online Administrator of Ch1Con, a writing conference for teens. I play cello, foster kittens, and obsess over British TV in my spare time.

What kind of writing do you do?
Mostly YA fantasy novels, though they tend to straddle the line towards sci-fi. I write other stuff too, but nothing as seriously as that.

What project(s) are you currently working on?
I’m finishing up edits on What It Takes to Deal, a YA contemp, to prepare it to be sent out to agents.

What are you studying at college?
As seen le above, I’m an English: Creative Writing major! Because useful.

Any fun summer plans?
I WENT TO CH1CON HECK YESSES.

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
Britain. All of the Britain.

What’s your favorite kind of book?
I have lots of kinds of favorite books, but I tend to have a thing for YA sci-fi in particular, or at least I have recently.

Favorite food?
The food kind.

Favorite drink?
HOT CHOCOLATE.

Favorite dessert?
More chocolate. (Sorry Jules.)

Favorite season?
Summer.

Favorite activity outside of reading and writing?
Ummmmm… watching TV? Being generally useless?

Favorite movie?
Snow White and the Huntsman.

Favorite TV show?
Doctor Who!!!!

Favorite band/singer?
Linkin Park.

Favorite Youtube channel?
Pemberley Digital, but I love so so many more!

Favorite book?
This question is an unfair one, at any and all times. It’s a tie between Harry Potter and the Hunger Games. It always is.

Favorite website?
I don’t know about favorite, but the one I apparently go to the most is Goodreads.

Favorite board game?
Ew. Board games.

Favorite videogame?
Ew. Videogames.

Favorite language (other than your native one)?
Spanish? Latin? One of those.

Favorite sport?
No.

Favorite candy?
Chocolate.

Favorite pie?
Apple. Or cherry. Or blueberry. Or chocolate.

Favorite instrument?
CELLO. YES. I PLAY CELLO.

Coffee or tea?
Neither. I’m Mormon. *smiles cheesily*

Ice cream or froyo?
BOTH. (Probably froyo, though, for real.)

Movie or TV show?
TV show.

Morning or night?
Night.

City or country?
Small town. Those other places are icky.

Cat or dog?
CATTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Rain or shine?
Rain. Sun hurts my eyes.

Camp or hotel?
Hotel, baby.

Stay in or go out?
Stay in all of the times.

Casual or fancy?
…. either. Depending on the situation. I like to do both of them.

Edward or Jacob? (Kidding.)
I see your kidding and raise you a TEAM EDWARD for the books and TEAM WHY DO THESE MOVIES EXIST LAUTNER IS SO MUCH HOTTER for the movies.

Hot or cold?
Hot. I am allergic to cold.

Handwrite or type?
No one in potato can read my handwriting, not even me. Type.

Paperback or hardcover?
I think paperback. But I’ve never actually thought about this question before. Hmm! Good one, Jules!

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Why thank you, Kira! And thanks for letting me interview you!

You can find Kira at the following links:

Twitter: @KiraBudge
Thanks for reading!
~Julia

Guest Post/Interview Opportunity!

First blog post on the new laptop! While my current (crappy) laptop is still in commission for use around the house, it’s physically falling apart too much to safely travel. Aaand I’m about to go to NYC (BookCon), followed by Chicago (Ch1Con), followed by two months hopping around Europe (study abroad and general vacationing). So say hello to the new baby.

Speaking of Europe, I leave in just under a month. The majority of my time across the pond, I’ll be studying at Oxford, which means I’ll be able to keep up with regular posts. However, before that, Hannah, our friend Sam, and I are sightseeing for a couple weeks. And after Oxford, my family’s coming over to tour around.

Which means I need guest posts!

A guest post can be anything from a writing piece to something fashion-related to a funny story about something that happened to you to pretty much actually anything. It can range between 200 and 2,000 words and be as informal or formal as you’d like.

Or, if you can’t think of anything to write, I’m also open to doing interviews. Just email me to let me know you’d like me to interview you on the blog, and I’ll send you the questions.

Interested? Email me your guest post at jbyerswriting@aol.com by the end of Friday, June 20th, and I’ll let you know when it goes up on the blog. Make sure to paste your post into your email, because I will NOT open attachments. (Or, if you’d like me to interview you, email me by the end of Monday, June 16th, and send your answers back by the end of that Friday.)

Other optional things to include in your email: One paragraph bio; any social media links (blog, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, etc.) you’d like included in the post; a picture of you. Let me know if you’d like me to edit your post for grammar or typos or anything before it goes up, because I’m always open to doing that, but it’s up to you, since it’s your work.

If you’re not sure whether I’ll accept your topic idea, email a basic proposal outlining what you’ll cover in your post by the end of Monday, June 16th and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible about whether or not you should take the time to write out the entire post. (Topics I can already automatically assure you I will not accept: Porn, or anything even remotely resembling a shade of grey. An open letter about how much you love hamburgers. A clipping from your diary that contains nothing but the lyrics to “Let It Go” and the stains of your fallen tears.)

To recap: I need guests posts and you should write them. (Because you’re beautiful. And I’d be super grateful. And you’re beautiful.)

Thanks!

 

~Julia

PS. Countdown to BookCon: Three days!

Want to Write a Guest Post?

Heads up: I’m taking a general break from the internet and social media spanning from around Christmas through the end of my winter break (so the beginning of January) in order to focus on writing and relaxing before winter semester begins. Obviously I don’t want the blog to go silent during that time, so I figured this would be a good opportunity to let a couple other people share their thoughts and stories on here.

A guest post can be anything from writing tips to poetry to a funny story about something that happened to you to pretty much actually anything. It should range somewhere between 300 and 2,000 words and can be as informal or formal as you’d like. The sky’s the limit (I’d say outer space, but I’m still recovering from Gravity).

Interested? Email me your guest post at jbyerswriting@aol.com by the night of Friday, December 20th, and I’ll let you know when it goes up on the blog. Make sure to paste your post into your email, because I will NOT open attachments.

Other things to include in your email to me: One paragraph bio; any social media links (blog, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, etc) you’d like included in the post; a picture of you, if you’d like it to go with your bio. Let me know if you’d like me to edit your post for grammar or typos or anything before it goes up, because I’m always open to doing that, but it’s up to you, since it’s your work.

If you’re not sure whether I’ll accept your topic idea, email a basic proposal outlining what you’ll cover in your post by the night of Monday, December 16 and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible about whether or not you should take the time to write out the entire post. (Topics that I can already automatically assure you I will not accept: Porn, or anything even remotely resembling a shade of grey. An open letter about how much you love hamburgers. A clipping from your diary praising Kristen Stewart as an actress in a manner that is anything less than satirical.)

So, to recap: I’m taking an internet hiatus for about two weeks. During that time, I want to put up guest posts so you’re not left with an empty, depressing blog. And I’d love for you to write one (or more–I’m always open to more) of them.

If anyone really, seriously needs to get a hold of me during this time, I will occasionally pop in just to make sure the internet hasn’t exploded or anything, so I will still be around a little. But unless something major comes up, I’m not going to be posting anywhere myself, replying to emails, etc.

Send me them incredible guest posts!

 

~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (GUEST POST: “Car Karma”)

Hey there, dear blog reader! Julia here to let you know that I am currently out of town and, because of that, unable to write blog posts myself. In order to keep Julia the Writer Girl alive while I’m gone, some great writers are helping me out by penning guest posts. Totally sweet and awesome of them, right? So, let’s give a big round of applause for today’s guest poster, Rachel O’Keefe!

Rachel wrote this week’s Wordy Wednesday as a one-act play for her drama intensive class. It has been chosen to be performed by her school’s English classes and will be counted as her final grade.

Rachel: That’s so cool, and I really love how you use your play to teach morals. Thanks for reading the blog, and for letting me share your writing!

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Cast

WALLACE-  Eighteen year old male, new driver.

LUCY- WALLACE’s younger sister, teenage female.

BRIDGETTE- LUCY’s distant friend, teenage female

HANNAH-BRIDGETTE’s best friend, teenage female

Setting

In a jeep.

Time

The present.

(At rise, all four characters are in a crowded car,

WALLACE is driving, HANNAH in the front,

LUCY and BRIDGETTE in the back seat.)

WALLACE

Sorry about the mess guys, I’ve never driven with back seat passengers before.

BRIDGETTE

You won’t hear me complaining about a free ride.

HANNAH

Yeah thanks for this.

LUCY

It’s great now that WALLACE has his license he’ll be like a chauffeur for me and my friends. Girls you can get used to riding first class with me, ice cream today the mall tomorrow, you name it we can get there. This is going to be the best year ever don’t you think so BRIDGE! (Secrete hand shake with BRIDGETTE)

                                                                                                BRIDGETTE

Yeah totes.

                                                                                                WALLACE

(Clear throat) Please don’t advertise it, like once in a while I won’t mind but this is cannot become a daily occurrence.

                                                                                                LUCY

I thought you liked driving

                                                                                                WALLACE

I do but unless your merry little friends want to chip in for gas money it’s not going to happen, gas is really expensive these days.

                                                                                                HANNAH

Do you want us to give you a few bucks for this ride, like a taxi?

                                                                                                WALLACE

No, it’s okay HANNAH my sister invited you so this first one is on me but it just can’t be every day.

                                                                                                HANNAH

Thank you again, WALLACE. (look nervously in the back seat at BRIDGETTE and receive an encouraging nod from BRIDGETTE)

                                                                                                BRIDGETTE

How about HANNAH and I buy your ice cream?

(WALLACE slows to a stop for the stop sign)

WALLACE

(Slowly)S-T-O-P  (halfheartedly) yeah that sounds good girls.

                                                                                                LUCY

Oh my gosh WALLACE why do you have to be such a looser in front of my friends, like your nerdy ness could be hereditary and I don’t need them to think less of me.

                                                                                                WALLACE

(Flustered)Safety is not lame LUCY, and you wouldn’t know because you’re not even old enough to drive with mom and dad’s supervision.

LUCY

In a few months I get a permit and you should be …

WALLACE

Glad that we’ll share this car. That way I know you will not be on the road when I am.

LUCY

(Offended squeal) how dare you, you are so rude, I’m your sister and these are my friends.

                                                                                                WALLACE

Really, because this is the first time I’ve even heard of HANNAH and BRIDGETTE is not your real friend.

                                                                                                BRIDGETTE

What do you mean by that, we’re great friends?

                                                                                                WALLACE

Do you even know LUCY’s last name or what animal she has, because for some reason I don’t think you do?

                                                                                                BRIDGETTE

I don’t have to answer that right.

                                                                                                LUCY

Come on BRIDGE I know I’ve told you this stuff before like you can do it.

                                                                                                BRIDGETTE

Um, last name Collin, and um you have a err um a pet (WALLACE stops at traffic light looks back to BRIDGETTE who is clearly struggling.) (Excitedly shout) green parakeet?

(WALLACE at the word green steps on the gas and another car smashes into the driver’s side no air bags deploy but the glass shatters. LUCY scream, Hannah gasp BRIDGETTE and WALLACE go silent. WALLACE look left)

                                                                                                WALLACE

Is anyone hurt?

                                                                                                HANNAH

I’m fine.

                                                                                                BRIDGETTE

I think I’m alright just a bit shook up.

HANNAH

BRIDGETTE, your neck is bleeding

BRIDGETTE0

I might have gotten like a small piece of glass in my neck,(touch hand to neck look at it to see blood. but it does not hurt,(apply pressure to neck) LUCY looks much worse.

                                                                                                WALLACE

HANNAH call 911, LUCE, how are you holding up. (Unbuckles seat belt and reaches back to touch her leg LUCY groans as a response.) LUCY talk to me how bad is it?

                                                                                                HANNAH

I’d like to report a car accident, on the corner of Springfield Ave and Garfield Road, Maplewood New Jersey, we need an ambulance immediately. (Pause while listening to the dispatcher.) Okay we will, thank you.

                                                                                                WALLACE

What’s happening?

                                                                                                HANNAH

We are to stay put, police and medics are on their way it should only be a few minutes. It’s going to be alright.

                                                                                                WALLACE

Yeah that’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one who just crashed their car or the one who has to go home to tell the rents you made a heavily financially burdening mistake or the one that has an unconscious sister because of the mistake that I just made.

                                                                                                LUCY

(Shutters awake) what happened? I hurt everywhere?

                                                                                                Bridgette

We were just hit by another car; medical attention is on its way just relax.

                                                                                                LUCY

Bridgette, I have a dog named Max(Slipping out of consciousness)  and he’s a golden retriever not a green feathered parrot.

                                                                                                BRIDGETTE

Well, I guess that’s something that a real friend would have known. A real friend, unlike me.

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Watch out next Wednesday for another guest post by another awesome individual. Thanks again to Rachel!

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~Julia

Want to Guest Post?

Hey there! I’m going to be going out of town for a couple of weeks in June, and since I won’t have internet access during the trip, I’m going to need to get a nice queue of blog posts put together before I leave. And because I don’t have time to write a thousand and one posts myself before my departure date, I figured I’d see if anyone wants to write a guest post instead.

Your post should be between three hundred and a thousand words, and it can be about pretty much anything you want, minus porn or Twilight (unless you’re bashing S’meyer’s writing, in which case be my guest). Want to talk about a book or movie or author you really love? Want to share a short story you’ve written? Want to gush about a fashion trend you’re obsessed with, or how to dress like a certain book or movie character? Anything goes. Send your ideas in.

If you’re interested, email me with your idea and a sample of your writing (or just send me your proposed post) at: jbyerswriting@aol.com. I can’t wait to read all your awesome ideas! (Watch them be so great nobody even wants me to come back from vacation.)

Thanks for the help!

 

~Julia