Wordy Wednesday: Terrified of Time

It’s been a long week. (Overall a good one. But yeah. It’s been looong.)

This weekend was homecoming, and whereas that’s normally not that big of a deal here (at least for someone not into sports or partying), it was a HUGE one this year, because it was also a big year for anniversaries: 100th year of the School of Music, Theatre, and Dance. 150th year of Michigan Athletics. And, of course, other anniversaries I’m forgetting because, let’s be honest, those are the only two I care about.

In honor of the School of Music, Theatre, and Dance anniversary, the college hosted a ton of huge events throughout the weekend. Including A Very Starkid Reunion Thursday night, a concert featuring over thirty members of Team Starkid. It was fun and exciting and also maybe made my entire row cry, especially when Darren Criss changed the lyrics of “Gotta Get Back to Hogwarts” to being about U of M at the end because WHY ARE WE SENIORS WHY.

Then, Saturday involved lots of spiritwear and tailgating, followed by (guess what) a football game. At the game, the student section made the largest human roller coaster ever. Also, the New York philharmonic played at halftime with our marching band, which was cool. And then, you know, WE WON.

And, finally, on Sunday I had a choir lock-in, as part of which we had a full-on Pitch Perfect-style sing-off between the sections, and SOPRANOS TOTALLY KICKED SOME BUTT.

Aaand those are just a few of the fun things that happened this weekend. Because way too much happened to cover it all. And as much as I enjoyed it all, I am now so, so tired and it needs to be fall break like yesterday.

In other news, what this post is actually supposed to be about: This week’s Wordy Wednesday is a poem.

**********

I’m terrified
of where I’ll be
twenty years from now
when this is history

I’m slipping between
the threads of time;
how is it that control
is no longer mine?

I’m trying to hold on
but I’m not that strong,
and I’m trying to hold on
but time flows on and on

Tell me: is this the end?
Tell me: is this pretend?
Tell me: will I wake up tomorrow,
five years old again?

Tell me how I got here,
how I forgot to count the days.
Last I looked, I had forever;
now the future is yesterday

And I’m terrified of time
I’m terrified of time

**********

And on that happy note: Thanks for reading!

~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Superman”)

Before we begin, enjoy (I know you’re curious–you are, don’t deny it):

 

Per Rachel’s request, this week’s Wordy Wednesday is a poem. 🙂 It’s kind of a strange one though, back story-wise, because I usually remember having written things, when I look back on them, and I have absolutely no recollection of this one; someone might as well have stolen my laptop and put it on here. But I can guarantee you that it’s not about real life, or at least not my life, because I never had this sort of situation at homecoming; instead, that dance usually put me into a state of single-and-proud-of-it.

For example, look how single-and-proud-of-it this girl is:

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Junior year homecoming. You know you’re jealous of my tree-hugger tendencies. And my distinct inability to tan.

So yeah, it’s fictional. Just putting that out there. As much as I would love to be, I am not Taylor Swift.

**********

Where did this all

begin? This urge

to see your face,

to be a hopeless romantic?

I never had

a reason to try

and look pretty

until I met you.

 

But suddenly

I find myself primping,

and worrying, and caring

what you’ll think, as I

slip on the dress, and

pull on the shoes

and the parents take

pictures of the homecoming group

that you’re not in.

 

And as I eat dinner

at the restaurant, laughing

with my friends, I can’t

help but look around,

wonder if you’re also

there, somewhere

just out of sight, but maybe

I’m not out of sight of you.

 

And as I wait in line

to enter the dance, and then

as I check my purse, and search

for friends, my eyes and

ears and foolish heart are

on the lookout for

you. When you brush

past me and you don’t even

truly see me, because I’m looking

in the opposite direction,

I know it:

 

like you’re the fire

to my ice.

like you’re the gravity

to my wayward star.

 

But you never say

hello, and when I try

to get your attention,

you don’t hear me,
or maybe you ignore me…

I know how to

ignore, too, and I

can’t help but wonder

if you’re ignoring me in

the same way that I

ignore guys that I

don’t like who just

can’t take a hint

 

And then I’m

scared, because

what if it’s true?

 

Or maybe, you

ignore me because

you just honestly don’t

know what to think

and maybe that’s okay,

but maybe it’s

not.

 

And I just can’t

stop thinking

about you.

And it’s not

fair.

 

But it’s funny, because

for every time

I saw you,

you aren’t in a single

picture, and I won’t

remember you.

Not a shadow,

not a whisper.

Not a blink, or

a smile, or

a camera flash

to link my thoughts

to you.

 

And the truth is

you are nothing

but a shy little boy

who’s so scared

of what other people will

say, and think, and remember,

that you have to be loud,

and obnoxious, and a flirt

to distract them from

who you truly are

on the inside.

 

And no one will

remember you

because you are just another

mask, so tightly painted

on that no one will

ever realize your true

identity until they

try to get to know you

and by then

it’s too late

to save her

anyway

 

It’s too late

to save

me.

**********

So guess what’s next week! (Other than our impending doom on the 21st.) IT’S MY ONE YEAR BLOGIVERSARY! 😀 And in honor of the momentous occasion, I’m going to be hosting a party. With balloons and cake and stuff. Only not really, because this is the internet. (But maybe I’ll take pictures of me eating a cupcake or something in celebration.)

What I really, truly will do, though, is have an awesome giveaway for you, so check back here on Tuesday, December 18th for the details. Whoohoo!

 

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See you on Tuesday (which is thankfully after finals are over)!

 

~Julia