Wordy Wednesday: “Jesse”

I’m writing this post a couple days early, because I know I’m going to be swamped/half-dead by the time Wednesday rolls around. Right now it’s Monday for me, and I’ve got a midterm tomorrow, plus two projects due Wednesday and a ton of other stuff going on.

If I looked in the Mirror of Erised right now, I would literally just see myself taking a nap.

The winning option for this week’s Wordy Wednesday is poetry/song lyrics, so I figured I’d share another poem from the beginning of college. My family had two cats all while I was growing up–Jesse (mine) and Willy (my brother’s)–and Jesse was basically my constant companion. Jesse and I were rarely apart when I was home from when we first got the cats when I was a year and a half old, until he died suddenly in November, 2011. I wrote this poem for him.

*********
It’s the one glance back,
the realization: this is it,
this is the end, I am not
coming back. Not any time soon.

And I will miss you
I will miss you so much it
burns, and it will tear me
apart, and I will
miss you.

But do you even know
I am leaving? I am gone?
Did you feel the cold, my
tears when I said
goodbye? When I let go?
Or does the ground
silence you, muffle you,
hold you away from me
so deep, deep down that I could
never find you again?

Can you hear my
goodbye, or am I speaking
to a memory?

*********

… And on that pleasant note, I need to get back to studying. Hurrayyy.

I hope your Wednesday’s going well!

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~Julia

PS. Has anyone else noticed how weird the new WordPress smileys look? Like they’re so cute, but weeeird. Like misshapen pancakes with the expressions drawn on them in chocolate sauce: 🙂 😦 :/ 😛 😉 😀

Wordy Wednesday (“I Miss You”)

This past week has been a busy one. I can’t talk about some of what’s been going on because they aren’t my stories to tell, but amongst the things I can talk about: one of my best friends in the whole world visited over the weekend, and it was really nice to see her because we hardly ever get to hang out anymore. And–oh yeah–I (along with like half the people I know) scored tickets to the Detroit premiere of Divergent next week. Which is like ADKRUALDNRKLSJR-level exciting. Oh my gosh.

This week’s Wordy Wednesday is a poem called “I Miss You.”

**********

You used to mean everything, and now you mean nothing

and I don’t know which I miss more—you

or the freedom of not having to remember you.

Sometimes I get so caught up in

living in the moment

that I forget that the next moment

might be worth living in too.

 **********

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~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Poetry, Take Two”)

So, yesterday was basically one of the most exciting days of college so far, because not only was the 2014 Hopwood Underclassmen Award Ceremony in the afternoon, but we had a snow day.

You heard that right: The University of Michigan. Cancelled classes due to weather. FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1978.

With wind chill, it was -30 degrees Fahrenheit. My hall spent the day snuggled up in one of our hall lounges, where we dragged a TV and lots of junk food and pillows, and watched the first five Harry Potter movies in a row (due to the Hopwoods, though, I missed the end of Sorcerer’s Stone and all of Chamber of Secrets and Prisoner of Azkaban–which, you know, was sad, but also totally worth it since it was THE HOPWOOD UNDERCLASSMEN AWARD CEREMONY).

My parents and grandparents came into town for the ceremony, which was awesome (love you, guys!), then afterward we got dinner with my brother and I gave them all a tour of the dorm and then I studied for an exam I had this morning (which I ended up arriving a half hour early for, thanks to the dorm fire alarm playing us the song of its people).

I’ll try to get a couple pictures from the Hopwoods up this weekend, but in the meantime, here’s a shot of the lounge you wish you spent yesterday in.

we got dat loungePaintings by Hannah.

This week’s Wordy Wednesday is another clump of random short poems and bits and pieces I’ve got lying around.

**********

I can feel the distance in my bones

how far away I am from home

and I need Ann Arbor like I need veins

for my blood to run in

*****

There is something sad in that silence,

the weight of waiting.

And knowing that the waiting is still better than what is to come,

but the future holds a different kind of pain

that maybe is ultimately worse, but shorter, easier to swallow–

a gunshot versus a hangnail that drags on and on.

I don’t know if I want the silence or what comes next.

*****

You turn the volume all the way up

to drown out the silence

But it keeps creeping in

in the loudest parts of riots

And you don’t know how to be

the person you’re becoming

And you don’t know if sound is better

or if you’re only running.

*****

All you ever heard were the words I never said

the things you didn’t want, the things I don’t regret

The lines upon my palm, a map from long ago

you let it define me, so you could let me go

And I’m sorry I never said sorry

but I’m not sorry for the things I did

I never tried to erase them, I couldn’t if I hid

I never pointed them out, and you shouldn’t have searched so hard

But I understand this is my fault, for carrying my battle scars

*****

I can’t take this feeling in my head

the weight of words left unsaid

*****

You go back and you paint everything grey

Don’t understand those memories anyway

A wall made of thickest glass separates you

from everything that happens and everything you do

’Cause you don’t feel skin anymore,

just empty air and an open door,

that’s locked—somehow

And you can’t feel them on your tongue

the words you say as you come undone

just one by one, they slip free

As you sacrifice yourself,

as you sacrifice me

*****

The truth about life

is that you will always be

terrified or stressed or angry

about something.

The key is to find the one thing

that is still worth it

despite it all.

*****

There’s that moment

when you stand beside something

truly great

and it makes you believe that

maybe

you could be great too

just by being in its presence.

Someday.

*********

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~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Poetry”)

Hey there! This week’s Wordy Wednesday is going to be a collection of shorter “poems” (really just a bunch of random little stanzas I’ve got saved places) about a collection of random things. Most of these are from my phone, typed haphazardly during vacation trips or at two in the morning when I can’t sleep.

Sorry for not writing more of an intro–I’ve got like a bazillion hours of homework to do today, already, so, yeah. Yay for college.

**********

It sounds like summer

and smells like graduation,

So many moments you were

afraid to live because they were already

memories you were afraid to lose

*****

My life is

something

less than

perfect

right now.

*****

New York City

is a beautiful cliche.

*****

The plight of the writer

is that the air, the trees, the birds

are full of stories, heavy

on your chest, pressing

your fingers into the Earth

as roots, and you

may only choose one to breathe in–

oxygen–

against the screaming in your ears.

Only one against the

thousands.

Only one against

the weight, to lift

you

up

to fly.

 *****

The more we preserve

of the past,

the less we have

for the future.

*****

Life encourages life.

*****

Every minute I spend in New York City

wakes me up, fills my lungs with

air purer than feeling, a gas that somehow

makes oxygen heavy, that forces

my eyes open, wider, wider, with

every inhale–and the corners of

my mouth lift higher, freer, fuller,

go, go, go but now

stay–

with every exhale.

Stay here

in the magic, in the moment;

don’t leave and be ordinary.

Please don’t be

ordinary.

Please.

Don’t.

Go.

*****

Things feel slow

while they’re happening.

It’s only when you look back

that they sped by

too

 

 

fast.

*****

My life is not a love story.

It’s not a Nicholas Sparks novel.

I don’t want it to be.

I like where I am

without that part.

**********

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~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Discovery”)

Exciting news: A poem of mine will be appearing in the White Ash Literary Magazine‘s spring anthology!!! HOW EXCITING IS THIS? SO EXCITING.

On a more relevant topic, though, this week’s Wordy Wednesday is a poem called “Discovery.” I wrote it in a rush originally, so it was all just in one big block of text on Word, but I broke it up based on where I had commas and such afterward, and here we’ve got a poem.

**********

A sense of discovering

or rediscovering

what was

and losing

what is.

Just for a moment

just a second

just a heartbeat

it’s okay.

It’s okay

it’s okay

it’s okay

to be lost

to be found.

It’s okay

I’m okay

I’m back

back

back

back

back.

Beating

of a drum

down

to

the

second

’til

you’re

gone.

**********

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~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Forever”)

So. I temporarily finished revising Cadence last night. And by “temporarily finished revising” I mean “it’s in the state it’s going to be in as I start talking to literary agents now.” And that’s sort of terrifying.

I am all at once this:

Snapshot_20130327_1

And this:

Snapshot_20130327

And this:

Snapshot_20130327_2

… But you know what? The novel is in as good of shape as I can get it, the CPs I sent it to seem to like it quite a bit (thank you again, you awesome people you!), and I think it’s time I let go of the red pen. At least until the craziness of the next few weeks subsides (Writer’s Digest Conference! In less than two weeks! AHHHHH!).

So, while I’m off throwing myself a dessert party for one as a reward, here’s your Wordy Wednesday. It’s a poem I wrote a little under a year and a half ago, after my cat Jesse died. I did a lot of writing after his death, and I’ve shared a lot of it on this blog already, but here’s another poem about him anyway. It’s called “Forever.”

**********

Leaving.

Leaving entails going off

on some grand adventure, somewhere

new, and maybe coming back

eventually. Leaving;

that’s one thing I can handle.

 

Going Away.

Going away is like going fishing,

going to Grandma’s house, going to college –

it’s a promise: I’ll be back. Going

Away; that’s another thing

I can handle.

 

But Not Being There…

It means not coming

back, not holding me

as I search for you.

Hold my hand. I need

you to hold me, but you can’t.

 

Yes, Not Being There…

That’s the thing that breaks me

the most.

**********

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T-minus 9 days to the Writer’s Digest Conference 2013!

 

~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Lamplight”)

GUESS WHO FINISHED HER AP LIT PROJECT???!! THIS GIRL FINISHED HER AP LIT PROJECT!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAAT!!!!!!!! 😀

Ahhumm. Anyway.

This week’s Wordy Wednesday is a poem I wrote back a couple weeks ago, around my birthday, called “Lamplight.” It’s kind of dark (no pun intended), so lo siento about that.

**********

Light blinking on and off

Candle in a storm

Electric lamp swinging back and forth

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth

Right left, on off, can’t breathe in this

Darkness, rain, hurricane

Off

On

Cover your eyes

Look between your fingers

Blink, open, blink

On off

Please

Stay

On

**********

Also, in other news: The spring musical went really awesome last weekend — I got a ton of compliments, which just blew me away because I thought I sucked — and then that continues this weekend. 🙂 Oh, and GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!! “Rep Your Favorite Artist Day” at school! Check out my Taylor Swift faces:

(You know you’re jealous of my mad impersonation skills.)

Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday! If you guys could leave her a “Happy Birthday!” comment below, it would be super awesome. 🙂

~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Homecoming”)

This is a poem I wrote a while back that basically explains how I’ve been feeling all through senior year. I’ve been thinking over everything that I’ve done in my life so far, the past few months, and this is where I ended up:

 

**********

Looking back on all of You

that I used to know.

It’s funny to think that we’re still here.

Where’d that laughter, that smile go?

 

You I kissed, You I played,

You I felt regret.

And yet it’s You, every one of You,

that I can’t forget.

 

Why’d it end, the stories shared?

We were close as close can be.

Was it my fault? Was it Yours?

Is there an answer, lock and key?

 

Or will I sit and wonder still

for the rest of my life here

how things can change, yet we don’t move,

and Clear fades to Disappear?

**********

 

~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“Horoscope”)

Random Facts About Today:

  1. The weather’s supposed to be in the 80s today, which will break the last record by like 10 degrees (which is what happened yesterday, too — the last record had been set in the early 1900s; this weather is CRAZY).
  2. Exactly one month from today, I’ll be eighteen. 😀
  3. TWO DAYS TO THE HUNGER GAMES!!!!!

I’ve been obsessively watching this clip (and all the others, too, but mostly this one):

 

This week’s Wordy Wednesday is going to be a short one, but I don’t think a piece has to be long to be significant. This is a poem called “Horoscope” that I wrote the night before I left for the Writer’s Digest Conference this year — I hope it conveys some of the emotions I was feeling that night, thinking about the past year and what the future might bring.

The style is inspired by e.e. cummings.

**********

i am so scared
terrified
so scared that i cant breathe
that everythings changing
for better or for worse
counting down the seconds
til midnight ten nine eight
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
tell me my future
but leave out the part
where i find out
what kind of person i am

**********

 

~Julia

Wordy Wednesday (“On Failing”)

Several of my friends lately have had major disappointments, namely involving not getting roles in their school plays… and I know this is little consolation, but I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the matter.

The following poem is titled “5:15 PM,” and although I wrote it back in September of 2010, it’s still the first thing I think of when I don’t get something I want, be it a part in a play, or a college acceptance, or a request from a lit agent. It’s about that moment when you get the email, and you’re scared to open it… and then it’s loading… and then you’re reading the first line, and it sounds so optimistic, but you know they’re about to drop the bombshell.

**********

Still holding on
To that last moment of hope
And begging
To go back to yesterday,
Any day,
Because today is just
Not real,
Not right
Please.

************

It’s a horrible moment, realizing all of your efforts — all of your practicing, and studying, and editing — have been for naught. Maybe you cry, maybe you’re numb, but in the end you’ve got a decision to make: You choose your own attitude. Either you can give up and say they’re right, or you can keep pushing through ’til you’ve proven them wrong.

I know it’s hard. I know it’s going to hurt. But it’s either that or give up, and you’ve never truly failed until you do give up. As long as you keep moving forward, as long as you keep your sights on the horizon, you haven’t failed. Whatever bad thing that’s happened is just a minor setback, and in the end it’ll be just another memory along your path to succeeding.

You can’t learn how to fly until you learned how to fall.

I recently began putting together an album of “quotes” — short snippets that pop into my head that I think might actually be worthwhile at some point. Below are some of my ones on failing:

Remember:

(Photo from: http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/Texas/State_Railroad.html)

We can all do great things if we just set our minds to it and believe in ourselves. Life’s going to throw us some curve balls, sometimes our dreams are going to change or seem impossible, and I can guarantee that things aren’t always going to go the way we want them to (in fact, they probably aren’t going to about 99% of the time). But you can either give up and drown, or you can learn to ride the waves.

It’s all up to you. Everything. If you don’t accept defeat, you’ll have no choice but to win, and eventually you’ll be looking back at this time and thinking of how far you’ve come.

So go out and get ’em.

T-minus 2 days to the Writer’s Digest Conference 2012!!!!!!!

~Julia