Well. This is it. My last Teens Can Write, Too! blog chain post.
That’s right. Next week I’m turning (brace yourself) twenty-one.
While I gain the ability to have a right-side-up driver’s license next week, I also become ineligible to participate in things like the TCWT blog chain–because, you know, not exactly a teenager anymore. (Woe is me. I always knew that dastardly John would put me out to pasture eventually.) I’m still going to be an admin and writer for TCWT blog though, so I’m cool with getting booted from this one activity.
This month’s topic is a fun one: “Write a letter to a fictional couple.”
There are a lot of fictional couples I’d love to write a letter to. I have very strong opinions on a lot of fictional couples. But because Titanic was on ABC Family the other night, and Jack and Rose are by far the worst part of an otherwise amazing movie, guess who I’m writing to.
Dear Rose and Jack,
This is going to sting (much like the icy waters of the Atlantic), so let me preface this letter with this: I love you. I’ve loved you guys since I was too young to understand that (literally) steamy scene in the back of the car and used to make everyone shut up every time “My Heart Will Go On” came on the radio.
But you’re two of the biggest idiots to ever grace the big screen.
Especially you, Rose. I mean, Jack is an idiot for going along with your idiocy. But you’re the one running this whole circus of crazy.
I get it. You’re oppressed. Your fiance is a d-bag and your mother makes the Thenardiers look like caring parents. But is that really reason to throw yourself at the first cute, decent human being to cross your path?
And I know, I know. “Cute” is an understatement when it comes to 90s Leonardo DiCaprio. I probably would have thrown myself at him too. But you don’t know him. You guys had, what, one real conversation? During which you insulted each other and got on one another’s nerves repeatedly? I’m not saying “don’t have a fling,” because all the power to ya if you wanna go for it. But let’s not be all “you jump, I jump” and “I’ll never let go” about it. You’ve known each other for what, two days? I can understand some affection for one another, but this undying love and devotion is unhealthy and honestly a little bit creepy. You’re actually kind of lucky that ship sank, as far as your relationship goes, because no way it would have lasted.
Speaking of the ship sinking: The two of you LITERALLY SINK THE ENTIRE SHIP. If you weren’t so busy running around distracting people from their jobs, the iceberg spotter people would have been able to see the iceberg in time and the engine room people would have been able to do their engine room stuff more effectively, and the ship LITERALLY WOULD NOT HAVE SUNK. (You know, in the movie. Don’t worry: I get that in real life the ship did not sink because two passengers named Rose and Jack were distracting the iceberg spotter guys by making out on deck.) (As far as we know.)
If anyone on the RMS Titanic deserves to drown, it’s the two of you. Yet we root for your survival until the end as characters much more deserving of life bite it all around you. Why? Obviously not for your flat personalities or selfish natures. I think it comes down to two reasons: (1) You’re the main characters, so duh we’re going to root for you. (2) You’re both ridiculously attractive and Hollywood has conditioned us to believe that pretty people deserve to live more.
But honestly–despite your protagonist status and on point hair, it gets hard to keep cheering for you by the time we reach the climax of the film. This is when you really reveal how idiotic you are, Rose.
The ship is sinking. You know the ship is sinking. You have decided you don’t want to die. Jack has already showed on multiple occasions that he is willing to give his life to save yours–yet you still get off the lifeboat to be with him. He doesn’t WANT you to get off the lifeboat, Rose! In fact, you’re making it harder for him to survive, because having you around means gun-happy Cal is pissed and also now Jack is obligated to drag you around with him and put you first instead of saving his own butt, and wasn’t the point of getting off the lifeboat to help him? What kind of messed up logic led you to conclude that getting off the lifeboat would help anyone?
And DON’T GET ME STARTED on when the Titanic actually sinks! Jack was so kind as to find you that lovely door to lie on, dear Rose. WHY DIDN’T YOU SEND HIM TO FIND HIS OWN FURNITURE-FLOTATION DEVICE? Or hey, when the ship was in the process of going down, WHY DID NO ONE THINK TO TAKE AN AX TO SOME OF THE FURNITURE AND DOORS IN THE SHIP TO MAKE MORE FLOTATION DEVICES SO MORE PEOPLE COULD SURVIVE? Come on, now! The Titanic took a billion hours to go down. Surely you could have spared five minutes in all your drama to lay some insurance for your survival.
This letter’s getting pretty long, so I guess I’ll end here. But if you ever want some more berating, you know where to find me. (I’ll be the one sobbing on my living room couch while watching Titanic for the billionth time.)
Love you guys. See you when you wash up on shore in Inception, Leo.
I’ll never let go,
Like this blog chain topic? Check out the rest of the posts throughout the month.
and https://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com/ (We’ll announce the topic for next month’s chain.)